Two years of unbreakability Psychologist Maria Belova: the military will scan everyone for “friend or foe”, even a family member

24 February 15:17

Over the past year and a half, military psychologist Maria Belova has made about 40 visits to military units to provide psychological assistance to soldiers. This is about 2,000 hours of hard work, support, motivation, searching for the right words and inner strength. She does everything she can to ensure that Ukrainian soldiers do not stay in the war forever and return to a normal peaceful life after the war is over.

We tried to figure out whether there is such a thing as a “military mindset” in psychology and how to find the necessary codes of communication with a soldier who has been through fierce battles.

As part of the special project Ukraine on Fire: Non-Fictional Stories, is publishing an interview with Maria Belova.

Although the war has been going on in Ukraine for almost 10 years, there is still a shortage of psychologists who specialise in working with the military. What is the reason for this, apart from the lack of large-scale funding for government programmes to create the really necessary network of psychological support centres?

There are currently more than half a million military personnel. There should be hundreds of centres like Atlant, where I work as a volunteer psychologist, in the country. But there are not, and neither are rehabilitation centres. There should be at least ten such centres in the capital alone. There is only one state-run centre, Lesnaya Polyana, which has been open since 2014 and has a long waiting list. The rest are volunteer and private centres. I don’t know the number of military psychologists in the country. Our centre employs about 200 psychologists, and about 20 of them go out. The rest of them provide counselling on the ground – in large cities across Ukraine.

How do you find out about those who need psychological support at the front? Do you have a database or do relatives or friends of these people find you?

I cannot judge the organisation of psychological support for the military across the country. In our centre, we receive an official request from the unit commander for psychological work with the guys and go to them. On the spot, we decide whether to work with a group or with someone in particular.

Over the two years of war, how many such requests have come to your centre?

For 1.5 years in a row, we have been visiting once or twice a month. One visit lasts 2-3 days. Sometimes there are more than 200 people for 10 psychologists. Sometimes it is less, but there is always group therapy and individual sessions at the request of the military.

When the military go “to zero”, our goal is to support them, motivate them, and talk about everything, including their health. We also teach them breathing and bodywork practices that are scientifically proven to help them get out of stupor, panic attacks, and paralysing fear. This experience is borrowed from American and Israeli psychologists.

Is there really such a thing as a military mindset in psychology?

At war, thinking is formatted in such a way that you need to survive yourself and help your comrades to escape. This is a completely different state from the one a person experiences in peacetime. For example, one of the roles of a military psychologist is to help establish contact between the military and civilians so that they understand each other’s language.

There are so-called “rules of engagement” – there are 14 of them. I’ll name the 7 main ones:

  • It is difficult to talk about war. When a husband, friend, or father comes back from a hot spot, you shouldn’t ask him how many people he killed and so on. Do not pry into his soul.
  • Not with feelings. During the war, guys close down emotionally very much. To survive. Now they mostly consist of aggression and fear. The former motivates them to go into battle, and the latter stops them from getting into danger.
  • Freeze in the chaos. This gives them control over the world around them and helps them concentrate rather than fall into a stupor. Therefore, they read a lot of deep emotions as a threat. That’s why for the first two weeks of the rotation, a soldier should not return to his family, but undergo adaptation elsewhere.
  • Plan ahead. This is a matter of survival for the soldier. That is why his day will be planned step by step and in detail.
  • Look for the enemy and trust only your comrades. The military develops black and white thinking. So later, in civilian life, he will scan everyone, even long-time friends and family, for “friend or foe”. Women often complain that their husbands have closed off after the frontline and do not trust them. In fact, this is normal. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with him for a year or 30. Anyone who hasn’t been to war will be tested for trust. This is how the majority of the military perceive reality. Of course, I’m not talking about 100% of those who go through the crucible of war.
  • Know your territory. This is a matter of security. Even in civilian life, men re-examine their homes and work out how to be safe in case of an attack.
  • React and then think. This rule can save lives in war.

We introduce this mindset to our soldiers’ wives, and they introduce it to their children. It is fundamentally important to keep all parties safe.

Why have there always been soldiers in wars who do not want to return from war? It’s a well-known fact that for many people the war continues even after it’s over, in civilian life.

Because everyone has a different goal in war. Of course, the most common one is that I am here for the sake of my family and children. And in the current war, there are many who serve in the Armed Forces with this motivation. But there are also those who do not want to return home. Not because they don’t love their families, but because they simply cannot leave their comrades. If someone dies in their absence, the feeling of guilt will be devastating. We need to remember that when they lose a comrade, they have no opportunity to grieve, because it is their lives that are at stake. I emphasise that this is about many, but not all, of those who are currently at war.

The pain of loss can manifest itself with a powerful force during the rotation or later, and the reaction of the psyche can be unpredictable – alcohol, drugs, suicide.

When a man does not find an answer to the question of why I stayed alive and there is no military psychologist or person who will actively listen to him silently (active listening saves lives), his decisions are unpredictable.

Can a wife, brother or other close person play the role of a psychologist for a soldier? Or will he not open up to them?

It depends. Their psyche becomes very sensitive, so they are able to intuitively find their own person who will heal them. There was a case when a guy was admitted to the hospital after being in captivity, where he had experienced a lot of physical and mental torture. He would not let anyone near him, would not talk to anyone, and was quite aggressive. But he let one girl volunteer in. For two weeks in a row, she came to him every day, silently handed him cookies and sweets and left. Over time, she began to tell him about her affairs. She didn’t ask him anything, didn’t bother him, and he opened up. Everyone was shocked, because he did not let even the best psychologists and psychiatrists come to him.

The second case. A man returned from the service, closed himself off from his wife, but went to his grandmother every day. A day, two, three… She became interested, followed him quietly and saw him sitting at his grandmother’s feet, leaning his head on her lap and sobbing. And she was silently, without a word, stroking his head. After a month of this “therapy”, he felt better.

Is it possible to fully psychologically rehabilitate after hellish battles, heavy losses, and injuries and live a full life as you did before this experience?

There are those who find themselves quickly, and there are those who have a hard time with it. We ask them a number of coaching questions, including: what knowledge did you gain there? It may sound strange, but they really have very valuable, unique knowledge, skills and abilities.

So they can share this knowledge, be a military instructor at a school or lyceum, give explanatory lectures on how to communicate with the military and build relationships with them when they return home after the war.

Many of the boys are fulfilled in this way. They need society to appreciate them, not write them off. They are heroes at war. They want to remain so in everyday life in peace. To do this, it is important to rediscover yourself, your meanings, goals, and values.

During the Vietnam War, 50,000 people died. The same number of veterans died afterwards. Because of alcohol, drugs, suicide. These statistics were shocking. That is why what we are doing now is invaluable and is a powerful contribution of military psychologists-volunteers.

Author: Lilia Pril

Дзвенислава Карплюк
Editor